Thursday, April 26, 2018

Escape

I sweep my cheek across cold cement
languishing in a search for hope
beyond the slit beneath the door.

The window is blocked by thick metal bars.
Everything is dark. The night is colder by the second.
The tips of my fingers press against the thin cracks
inspecting the frightened scribbles for any imperfection
anything that can help.

I swing my fists wildly against the door.
I yell and cry and shriek
until there is no force that will coerce
resonance from my raw throat.

But... what's that? A light? Could someone have heard me?
Bobbing up and down, it approaches.
But there is no hand grasping the handle of a lamp.
No figure illuminated by the light.

The mote is a pure white glow with unnerving
weightlessness emitting a light that overexposes the trees.
The leaves are scattered black smudges easily disintegrated
by the light.

The trunks are slowly enveloped from both sides.
Then it's as if they're gone.
There is no form visible with which to declare it exists.

With the mote's continued approach
the once thick bars of the window become thin
as the extreme light wraps white around the black edges
until the solid black lines are nothing but toothpicks.

I push against them and they snap.
Then crawl out into the soft gradient of dark
becoming light.

From outside I can see that the forest is flecked
with a multitude of these motes.
As if an absent artist dropped a paint soaked brush
and the flecks multiplied into a cosmic starscape.

But I have come too close to the stars.
I am becoming thin.
Now they are stealing away my edges. 
Perhaps the room was not a prison.

I reach out with what are now black skeletal hands
attempting to claw out an existence in the consuming white abyss.

My canvass is painted white.

The Mountain

The rope hanging
The 8 track playing
On a loop and caked in dust

The voices they hate me
Judge me and berate me
Their words I should not trust

A voice perched on my shoulder
A nothingness the weight of a boulder
Motivation is a wasteland

Hostile critic, grief, rejection and anxiety
Quilting blankets of disappointment from society
A mosaic stitched into my skin by my own hand

The layers pile up with distorted faults and failures
Is that a mound of unwashed clothes on the floor
Or is that me?

Nerves frozen shut
So I'm too bundled up
For joy to find my skin

And did joy just not care enough to come into work?
If the ticket doesn't get punched
Is the card so full of holes that there is
Nothing left for the metal teeth to rend?
How do you find something if it's so chipped away
That there is naught a crumb to defend?

The layers pile, till I am one with the floor
And more will, alone, join this moor
We are hills that were once plains
Not much, but what little remains

Will flowers grow on these living graves?

Flowers of public smiles that mask the pain
When we turn away, then comes the rain
Overburdened petals droop like lips bending
Tired of holding high, their edges pretending

Every blanket accumulates till the force is miles high from freedom
Yet so many find their own escape, why so many we must discuss

The mountain we have to climb is not on the horizon
The mountain is crushing us, on top of us, apart of us